And it all had to end...

After a distressing interlude involving a stubborn cash machine and a plea to my parents I have returned to the motherland. I guess once the sun comes out I'll be a little more pleased...

Only joking folks, it's lovely to be reminded of how fun it is to wear all your clothes at once and that exorbitant tax on cigarettes really does make you cut down.

Ahem,

Bitterness aside, I am glad to be able to see all of you lovely people again, next time lets all go together and hold hands around the campfire. Pina Colada? Oh I wish.

Game Galore

This week we went to the home of the rhino. Probably the last animal you expect to see on a game drive, what with there only being about 10 left in the world. Well, if that's so then we saw all ten the other day. Having gone to the beach and finding it a little too much like a monsoon for sun-bathing we went for a drive in Hluhluwe National Park instead. Home of the big 5 indeed. We might not have seen any cats but saw pretty much everything else. Bonza. Our first spot (which we were very proud of) was a big bull black rhino (yes that's the rare one people) waaaay off in the distance. Bonza Banango. Then just round the corner we came upon these two critters. Just so you know, my camera has no zoom (that I can find anyway, bloody 'help'-manuals), they really were that close.














As the day went on we saw Wildebeest, Buffalo (probably the angriest animal you'll ever meet, no messin'), warhogs with their piglets, Keeeyooot. A slow-worm (a tiny blind snake like a flash of quicksilver, and my personal favourite), about a thousand raptors of all shapes and design, eagles, falcons, kites, the lot. A pair of Hornbills posing in a tree for us, a bunch of zebra chilling with some giraffes. Oh the list is endless.
















Just as we were trying to leave the park, mapless and with no clue of how far it is to the gate that shuts PUNCTUALLY at 7pm we drove right into the middle of a herd of Elephants. These are not the gentle giants you're lead to believe, they're hugs and they know it, as cranky and unpredictable as you get. After a quick reverse manouver we stopped to watch. They weren't happy, and they let us know it. Now, having a twenty foot twenty toner walking towards you with a glint in her eye and purpose in her step stops you being quite so confident about your little ford Ikon that you hired for the week; you brick it. we were pushed out of the way like an inconsequential fly so that the herd could go exactly where they wanted. I'm afraid I was too scared to take many photos, but I did get this one.














Having been delayed about half an hour by the herd we now have less than half an hour to get out of the park. Now we may have been a little rattled after our close encounter with the ellie-mother but it seemed, as dusk descended on what had been a pleasantly picturesque national park, that we were driving through a wilderness jungle with hyenas whooping on every side and what looks just like a leopard tail dangling from ebery tree. Come on little Ikon, don't fail us now. This guy was just chilling by the road side waiting for it to get dark enough to go and terrorise some Impala. Note his ready to attack stance and evil glint.














We were ten minutes late for the gate closing and guess what? Was there someone waiting to give us a slap on the wrist? NO. there wasn't a soul, we were abandoned in the wilds of South Africa with the Lions coughing in the darkness. Just as we were seriously weighing the reality of sleeping in the carpark the last ranger to leave the park came by. Good timing guys, ten more minutes and we were at the mercy of the bush.

Hoe Gaan Dit?

So where have I been since Zambia? Good question. Much like "If God Says Yes Why You Say No?" that we saw written on a shop sign-board.

Well, we were going to stay in Zambia for a while, but after trying to buy a tent that proved to be little more than a kiddies toy tent, and the cost of accomodation should we be tent-less coming in at about $20 per person per night we ran away. To South Africa. Get an Atlas. Got one? Well, we went from Livingstone (on the border of Zimbabwe, Namibia and Zambia) to Johannesburg non-stop in 36 hours. Phee-yew. Having not gotten up before 10am on the sunday we thought we'd probably only be lucky enough to get to the other side of the Botswana/Zambia border. Luckily for us we were delayed enough that we ended up on the same pontoon crossing the Chobe river as Gideon. Gideon was driving all the way to Gaborone in his Full-house Landrover (that means air-conditioning people) and would we like to come along? Yes please. The drive through the north of Botswana comprised the fastest game drive ever. Reasonably enough Gideon was hightailing it through this region- get stuck on this road in the dark and you're likely to smack into an elephant. Which will then come and stomp on your car. So we zipped through the wildest part of Africa I've yet been in. We saw about 70 elephants, giraffes, ostrich, buffalo and zebra. All at 140km/h.

Once in the big bad city of Johannesburg we ran away. Sorry, but this is one violent city. They actually have fences with 240 volts running through them around their houses. Anyway, so off we ran to Pretoria, where Joe went to University and so has friends. Thus we spent a merry week with Afrikaners. A strange bunch but immensely likeable. They eat meat by the bucket load. Instead of a bowl of potato crisps as an snack at a dinner party they have a bowl of dried meat. Say no more. And also a good introduction to this delightful product I saw on the shelf in the supermarket. I haven't tried it yet, I'm considering posting it to a vegetarian friend of mine.



















Well, that was Pretoria. Now we're in St Lucia on the East coast dipping our toes in the Indian ocean. This place is as wild as it comes, hippos and crocs all over the shop. Next stop? Haven't decided yet.






(it's a hippo)

A picture's worth a thousand words...which is a good excuse for me...

Makuzi Beach, can you believe they paid me?



The leafy plains of Zambia



Victoria falls (told you I was there)



Chizumulu island



See Chris, I'm not just a 'point and click'



Technically in Zimbabwe, but scared of getting my head kicked in. I did shout 'screw mugabe' as we were walking back though. Well, maybe I only whispered it. And, yes, ok, not even Joe heard it but that's one scary dictator-for-life





Aah, the rainbows.

Anna in Zambia

Well here we are, a whole other country and the changes are at once subtle and astounding. We drove to Lusaka from Lilongwe in two days, with a stopover in Chipata, the first town on the Zambian side of the border. The Canadians we had met on Likoma were still with us and, with very typical north American Paranoia, were willing to spend US$400 on a hire car where me and Joe were happy with the US$30 spent on public transport. So they ended up giving us a lift. Go Canada! Well, after the second 'luxury' coach hurtled past with a cracked windscreen, careening around the car-sized potholes fit to topple over we were maybe a little more north-american-minded ourselves. Then the cab of an articulated lorry came beeping around a corner (on a hair-pin mountain road I might add) and free-wheeled past us. Let me say that again- FREE-WHEELED PAST US GOING DOWNHILL ON A HAIR-PIN MOUNTAIN ROAD. Phew. GO CANADA!! But the drive was outstanding, near-misses not withstanding. Malawi is pretty much totally deforested apart from the odd pine plantation and the national parks. Zambia is incredible densely forested. In a country of 10 million, three times the size of the UK, where 50% of the population live in the big cities, this is real wilderness. The people are as friendly, and, in the bush, as poor, but there is definitely money here. Where Malawi relies on tourism, Zambia has the copperbelt, allowing a huge wealth gap to develop. When we arrived in Lusaka, the bloated capital of this industrio-rural country, we saw this gap manifested in teh price of one orange. Brace yourselves. Remember I'm in what is termed 'the third world', where 50km away you can buy a bucket of mangoes for about 15p. One English pound for a single orange. One English pound per minute to make a local call. Taxis are about London prices and there is money money money everywhere.

We spent a dazed three days in the fair capital four Mazungues fresh from four months in the bush dazzled by the bright city lights. I'm afraid to admit I giggled with delight when I saw cornflakes in the supermarket. Then on to (you guessed it) Victoria Falls.

Livingstone, the town near to the falls, is surprisingly untouristy, and like all other town in Africa I've been to, feels a little like the wild west. Well, you see, they all have only one or two streets, normally in a cross, and all the shops are built up from the road with a verandah over the pavement. And the streets are red dust, and every now and then an ox'n'cart comes through. Well whaddya know.

The falls are stunning. Amazing. Powerful. As soon as I get a quick enough connection to uplaod some photos I'll show you.

Maouli Bwanjie

Hey there blog fans, well the plans have changed again and I'm still in Malawi. Having spent two weeks luxuriating on a tropical island I'm back on the mainland and planning to head into Zambia. But more of those plans later.

We headed over to Likoma Island on the 19th on the beautiful if antiquated Ilala ferry (made in Glasgow circa 1800). It was a beautiful moonlit journey marred only by Mat the "I wish I could kill all the taxi drivers in Namibia" Pratt. He introduced himself and then never left. Some people really never should come to Africa, much less volunteer there for two years. Something tells me Matt will be going home early, either that or languishing in prison after a murder spree. Having learnt that Matt would be on Likoma for Xmas too, we jumped off the ferry one stop early for Chizumulu Island and spent four days as the only guests at Wakwenda lodge. The island is tiny, with thousands of blue and yellow fish lurking all over the rocks. It's home to a colony of yellow kites that fish out of the lake in competition with the eagles.

Sooner or later we got bored of our island paradise and decided to risk Matts rants and headed over to Likoma after all. Here's a lesson for all budding travellers, if you have to hike 4km with your rusksack after a 2 hour ride in an exposed Dhow, have breakfast and take water, we didn't, we nearly died. We staggered into Mango drift like a couple of tomatoes on bambi legs. Lesson learnt.

Christmas was surreal, you can't really get your head into the "jingle bells" spirit when you're looking at palm trees and crystal clear waters. New years went the same way, we were on the ferry on the way back to the Mainland and at about 10pm I remembered what day it was and went looking for beer. They had none. Happy new year. Luckily we had stowed a bottle of "the big five", pure cane spirit, evil stuff that will give you more of a trip than a hangover.

Recipe: The Big Five

1 large bottle of medical alchohol
scotch flavourings.

Cures what ails ye.

So when the boat comes in at 3am and we have nowhere to stay sleeping on deck seems like a plan. Then the storm comes in. Then the rain. Never mind chaps we can sit under this canapy. One more verse of "roll out the barrel" (Ralphs's still singing Auld Lang syne but no-one minds). Then the wind picks up. It's a funny thing, but in the tropics rain can fall horizontally, then you really get to test out your rain-mac. At 5:30 we cut our losses, the sun has come up, we've stopped seeing pink elephants and the rain has stopped too. We stagger to our matola and ride on to Mzuzu. Happy new Year.

So on to Zambia and then Botswana, but these things are apt to change so once more I have to warn you that I may be missing in action for a while in the wilds of central africa. Hakuna Matata

Normal service will be resumed shortly

Hey there blog fans. Well I've left the beach and am now officially on holiday. yay! I have lugged my backpack, which now seems one hell of a lot more cumbersome now I have to actually carry it places, a total of about 200 yards down the road to Kande Beach. I am with the lovely joe in a teeny sweaty tent. Ach, it's only for three nights. And it feels just great to be able to sleep past 6:30am. Since leaving Makuzi I have been eating, drinking, soaking in the lake and enjoying the tropics. Oh ok ok, that's pretty much what I was doing there but this time no-one's going to ask me to be an impromptu hearse. The plan as it stands (this is Africa and everything does change) is to head to Likoma Island for Christmas, then hop into Mozambique. We'll head through Pemba and on to Ibo Island in the Indian Ocean. Fandabbydozy.

Why am I telling you my plans rather than updating you as it happens? Well the net is shite in Mozambique so I'm anticipating a blog black-out worse than at Makuzi for the next month or so. Keep checking though, every so often I may just get a chance to bring you up to speed.

Have a great xmas guys and you'll hear from me soon.

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